


It doesn't Leave

by mylatestobssession



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attack, brief description of rape, implied /referenced child sex abuse, not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 09:36:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylatestobssession/pseuds/mylatestobssession
Summary: It's Aaron's first night out of prison. As he tries to adjust to life in the mill. His resurfaced demons follow him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please take note of the warnings. The dream get a little graphic. I have it italicised so it is possible to skip if you so wish.

Aaron stood outside the Mill. His new home. He hadn’t wanted to come here straight from prison, preferring a familiar environment over new surroundings but the look on Liv’s face, excited to show her brother the hard work she and Robert had put in was enough for Aaron to grin and allow himself to be pulled towards the house. Liv had given him the grand tour. Aaron loved what they had done with the place, happy that Robert had incorporated the little input Aaron had been able to have before going to prison. 

As Robert was busy prepping dinner, Aaron excused himself to go and visit his mum. He was surprised she hadn’t come along with Robert. She must have known the two of them would have wanted privacy. It was a fleeting visit. He endured the hugs from his mum, the slap on the back from Cain. He was gone before any of them could start a real conversation. 

He felt restless. This wasn’t the first time he had come back from prison but this time felt different. He saw the mill in the distance and the uneasy feeling in his stomach grew. He had worked hard to be okay with using Gordon’s money for it. Rebecca had made him see a side to it he never considered. But now, he hated the thought of living in a house that was paid for by Gordon because to Aaron that’s who had brought it. He would put up with it for Liv. She deserved the stability she craved. Robert had worked hard on the house, it really was beautiful. He could push his own feelings aside. 

As he stood outside the mill, he felt ten years old again. Scared to go into the house. Not knowing what to expect, what Gordon would have waiting for him. This time though it was Robert who came outside and not Sandra although they had the same concerned look on their face. 

“Are you ok?” asked Robert gently. Aaron swallowed. He wanted to tell the truth, that he wasn’t, that he wouldn’t be for a while but he couldn’t. 

“Yeah, I was just admiring the house. You really have done an amazing job.” He smiled at Robert. Robert didn’t look convinced but decided to let it go. He took Aaron’s hand and led him into the house. 

The table was being set by Liv. While Aaron had gone out they had been busy making dinner. It smelt wonderful. Aaron’s stomach growled at the smell alone. Dinner was lovely. The conversation was light and happy and although they were ignoring the elephant in the room the atmosphere wasn’t tense it was loving. After dinner, they went into the living room to watch a film. Cuddled up on the sofa together Aaron started to relax. He could feel himself drift off to sleep. For the first time since he went to prison he didn’t fight the urge.

_He was sat in the backroom with Robert. Both of them just enjoying each other’s company. They could hear the sound of the rain hitting the windows, it was surprisingly relaxing. Aaron got up, he had an odd urge that he needed to leave the room. Robert gave him a questioning look but didn’t speak as Aaron walked wordlessly out of the room._

_He walked through the door but instead of finding the hallway, he found himself in a cell. No! He was just with Robert. He wasn’t in prison anymore._

_“Morning, pretty boy.”_

_Aaron spun around. He knew that voice. Jason._

_“Its funny I should find you here. Does it look familiar?”_

_Aaron frowned. He looked around the cell. His eyes fell on the bed. It looked like every other bed in the prison but he knew. This was Gordon’s old cell._

_Aaron couldn’t breathe. He had to get out of this cell. He moved forward towards the door. In his panicked state, he forgot about Jason. One second he was half running towards the door, the next there was a struggle and he felt himself being pushed into the bed with Jason bent over him. The grip Jason had on him was so tight he couldn’t move an inch._

_“I bet you secretly love being in here. To the place where he slept. Does it bring back precious memories of your father/son time.”_

_Aaron let out a whimper of fear. Trying to find the tiniest leverage to throw Jason off but it was no use. Hated how he could feel Jason’s crotch against his arse._

_“This was where he laid at night thinking about you. Remember all the things you and he got up to, I bet. Did you cry for him to stop? Or did you secretly want him to carry on?”_

_Aaron felt the tears falling down his face. He couldn’t respond. He just wanted to be let go. In irritation Jason, pushed harder against Aaron. Aaron closed his eyes. Trying to fight off the memories. When he opened his eyes again he wasn’t in the cell._

_He was still lying on a bed only this time the room was dark. The pressure of another body felt different. He was terrified. Chancing a glance behind him his worse fear was realised as the cold hard eyes of his father greeted him. No thought Aaron. Not again._

_“Let me go!” Aaron’s voice was a lot more defiant than he felt._

_“No son. I can’t let you go. You have been naughty and you deserve to be punished.”_

_“You don’t have to do this.”_

_“Don’t answer back” snapped Gordon as he moved to straddle his hips. With a jolt of fear Aaron realised his was naked from the waist down. Knowing what was going to happen he frantically searched for something to focus on. As his father lined himself up against him, his eyes found his sisters favourite doll that he had broken earlier that evening._

__“Aaron, wake up!”_ _

__Aaron wakes up with a yelp. Looking wildly around him. It took him a few minutes to realise where he was. It was just a dream. Just a dream. He repeated that to himself as he worked to calm himself down. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he realised Robert was sat in front of him, telling him to breathe and to focus on him. Robert himself was repeating that Aaron was ok, that he was safe in an effort to calm him._ _

__Liv was sat on a chair. She was scared. She had never seen Aaron like this. She knew of course that he had nightmares after the trial and had even heard his faint cries before he woke up but she had never witnessed them first hand. She watched her brother and Robert. Robert’s entire attention was focussed on calming Aaron down but she noticed how the hand that wasn’t cupping his face was shaking, his face pale and anxious._ _

__Slowly Aaron calms down. Liv goes to grab the box of tissues she demanded Robert brought knowing how they would cry at films and need them despite his argument to the contrary. She places it on the table and as she does so she hears her brother whisper, “I need a drink.”_ _

__Without Robert even turning his head Liv has raced to the kitchen to get Aaron a glass of water. When she returns, the scene makes her pause. They haven’t really moved. Robert is still kneeling on the floor but now he is holding hands with Aaron. He is murmuring words of comfort to him as Aaron sits silently crying. Liv moves forward and puts the glass of water on the coffee table. At the sound of the glass being put down Aaron looks up. For the first time since he woke up he registers that Liv is in the room._ _

__“Get out!” The anger and volume of Aaron’s voice shocks both Liv and Robert. When she doesn’t move. He repeats himself. “Are you deaf get out of this room!” his voice louder this time._ _

__“Aaron.” Robert warns him. Liv sees the anger in Aaron’s eyes and runs from the room but not before Robert catches the tears in her eyes._ _

__“What the hell was that for.”_ _

__“I can’t deal with her being in the room.”_ _

__“What and you couldn’t have asked her nicely? What has she done that deserved that?”_ _

__Aaron falters at that. The dream is too fresh in his mind._ _

__The sit in silence for a few minutes. Both of them trying to find the right way to start the inevitable discussion. In the end its Aaron that breaks the silence._ _

__“I dreamed I was in prison. The prisoner Jason –“_ _

__“The one that hassled you for being gay?”_ _

__“Yep that’s him. But that wasn’t all.” He chews his lip. He knows that Robert isn’t going to react well to not just what happened but that Aaron didn’t confide in him. He turns to Robert making sure they are staring right into each other’s eyes._ _

__“I need you to promise not to kick off. No hiring anyone to do illegal things because he isn’t worth it.”_ _

__“Aaron” He was scared now of what his husband was about to tell him. He thought briefly back wot when Aaron told him about Gordon and how woefully unprepared he had been to hear it all._ _

__“Please don’t interrupt me” Aaron waits until Robert has nodded in agreement. “I got a lot of hassle in prison but it wasn’t just because I was gay. A guy I knew from the stint I did when people thought I shot you.” Robert grimaces at the memory. “Referred to me as Livesy.” Robert’s face paled. His stomach dropped._ _

__“It turns out that there was another person Jason had shared a wing with by that last name. You promised me you wouldn’t interrupt.” Aaron reminded him as Robert showed every sign of interrupting._ _

__“One day. I was cornered and pushed into a room. Gordon’s to be exact. The one he lived and died in.” He avoided looking at Robert as he continued. “Jason thought it would be a good ‘laugh’ to say shit to me to intimidate me.”_ _

__Robert waited for Aaron to elaborate when it became clear Aaron wasn’t going to he pushed. “What happened Aaron?”_ _

__Aaron took a deep breath. “He told me how Gordon probably spent his last night in prison thinking about me and what he did. He pushed me onto Gordon’s bed, pinned me down and asked me if I cried as I asked him to stop or if I secretly enjoyed it.” He said all of this in an emotionless voice. “And then he moved me so that I was kneeling in the exact place Gordon hung himself. He moved his hand and pressed against my throat so I struggled to breathe and said “You can change your name all you like but it won’t change who I am. I reckon the last thought that went through your dad’s head was that it was worth it because of how ruined I was. He said that Gordon would have been proud at how pathetic I was and that he wasn’t going to kill me because I was already dead. Then he left me on the floor and locked me in the cell. A prison vicar found me later.”_ _

__Robert was speechless. He couldn’t even comprehend what Aaron had just told him. He felt angry and god help Jason if Robert ever saw him again. He felt sick. It was bad enough that he fixated on Aaron because of his sexuality but this was a whole other level. He wanted to cry or scream or both but he couldn’t. He couldn’t let Aaron see him like that. He didn’t need to see it._ _

__“Is that what the nightmare was about?” asks Robert delicately._ _

__Aaron nodded. “Not just that. Remember how I told you about the time I broke Liv’s favourite doll?”_ _

__“You dreamt about that night?”_ _

__Aaron nodded again, the tears returning. “I shouldn’t have yelled at her like that but I just couldn’t face her.”_ _

__“She’ll understand.”_ _

__“I don’t want her to know about it. Any of the details. She probably doesn’t remember it. I may not have had her in my life for very long but I know her enough that she would be guilty about something she had no input in.”_ _

__Robert nodded. Aaron was right. Liv would be devastated if she found out that one of the ‘reasons’ Gordon tried to justify his sick behaviour with was Aaron breaking one of her dolls._ _

__Aaron stood up. “I need to use the bathroom.”_ _

__As he went up to the toilet he heard the sound of Liv’s TV playing. He wanted to go on and apologise but every time he thought about it all he could see was that bloody doll. As he was in the bathroom he came to a decision._ _

__When he came back downstairs, Robert was busy tidying up the abandoned film night snacks._ _

__“Rob” He turned to Aaron. “I can’t stay here. At least not tonight being in this house surrounded by him. I can’t do it. I’ve text mum and she is happy to have me stay over. Delighted actually.”_ _

__“I can come with you?”_ _

__Aaron shook his head. “Not tonight. I need to be on my own in a familiar environment.” He looked around the mill. “This isn’t home. Yet.”_ _

__Robert smiled slightly at Aaron’s use of the word yet. It was a subtle way of letting him know they would be ok and that Aaron would be back._ _

__“Can I have hug?” asked Robert, almost ashamed of his need to be hugged by his husband.  
A smile tugged at Aaron’s as he walked forward and hugged Robert. “I‘ll see you in the morning.” He whispered into his ear before they separated and he left the house. In the twenty seconds it took for Liv to get down the stairs. Robert had sunk to his knees. She found her brother-in-law sobbing. Without hesitation, she moved forward and hugged him. She almost smiled as he returned the hug. She wasn’t sure how she knew but she knew that this was just a bump in the road. They would be ok and they would be the happy family she had always dreamed of having._ _

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after the Aaron/Robert centric prison episode so no Rebecca/cheating crap.


End file.
